Hurtful Words: Don’t #MakeitHappen

15
Sep
2014

How come we so often find ourselves putting up with things from people we don’t even know, and doing so with a smile on our face….yet with those closest to us, we treat even the slightest aggravations as if they are the end of the world?

I think this is another one of those issues that I won’t be able to solve today, but it is something I would like to ponder with you.  It seems so sad, but I’m pretty sure we are all guilty of treating those closest to us with less respect, courtesy, and friendliness then we do when interacting with acquaintances or people we don’t even know.  I’m guilty of it far too many times to remember (and it’s been even worse over the past year or so), and I also know that I have often felt very bad after saying some of the things I’ve said.

Is it because we are so close and comfortable that we feel we can say whatever hurtful things we want?  Is it because we are able to be our true selves when we are with these people and not have to put on the mask we wear when around others?  Or is it because we take these close relationships for granted and don’t try as hard as we do in other interactions?

Like I said, I don’t know.  What I do know is that I am going to keep myself aware to this fact and remember it next time I act in this manner with the ones I Love.  It might even help if those people I’m talking about would keep me accountable.  A best case scenario is that I never again am going to have to feel like I’ve treated someone close to me badly or not listened to what they have to say.  At the very least, I hope this thought has created awareness in at least one of you and helped you become conscious of what I need to change about myself.

Not just going to write about it.  Going to #MakeitHappen.

 

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2 Responses to “ Hurtful Words: Don’t #MakeitHappen ”

  1. Joel on September 15, 2014 at 1:44 pm

    A very thought provoking post Darryl…You made a comment, “Is it because we are able to be our true selves when we are with these people and not have to put on the mask we wear when around others?”, and I want to acknowledge the impact of this statement. In dealing with my depression having the insight that I was being one way with the ones I loved and being a different way with others led to transformation. It was a defense method I developed as a kid and mastered throughout my life. I was ashamed and embarrass of my home life and wanted to keep it hidden from the rest of the world, so I created this fantasy life through lies to keep the two separate. I grew up following the dreams others had for me, which was vastly different than who I saw myself as being. In time I began to confuse my lies with the the truth and often felt my whole life was a lie. These are the moments I felt most depressed and I was frozen into inaction…literally sitting motionless, engaged in a mental wrestling match over, am I doing something because its what I want to do, or is it’s because others expect me to do something and if I do they’ll see who I really am. I began to take note of the differences in my interactions with those closest to me and others. I wasn’t looking for what was wrong, but what was missing and I discovered what was missing was ME!!!

    I had become so busy protecting my worlds from colliding, that I wasn’t present to or living life and that was a result of not being authentic, at any level…with myself or others. I had a breakthrough discovering that to be authentic requires vulnerability and that’s why I separated my worlds in the first place, I wanted to protect my vulnerability. You see, in creating the world I wanted people to see I never dealt with what I was trying to hide, I just suppressed those feelings and filed them under the 3R’s, Resentment, Regret & Rejection. I took on being authentic and allowing myself to be vulnerable, which is when real change started to occur. In honest open conversations where I was completely vulnerable, I discovered the mask I wore was actually closer to who I really am than who I believed myself to be unmasked. I wish that I could say I always extend the grace (what I call respect, courtesy & friendliness) the ones closest to me deserve…I don’t, and when that happens I look for where I am being inauthentic. Sometimes it’s because I haven’t fully expressed my needs and expect the ones closest to me to just know what it is I need. This is when I got most frustrated with my wife, I expected her to know at all times what it is I need, whereas I don’t expect strangers to know and grant them the grace my wife deserves. I was blind to the fact that my wife and the ones closest to me saw two different people, Who I am and who I believed myself to be and they have been granting me grace by recognizing a personal struggle and filling the need for tolerance.

    Darryl I believe you are as authentic as they come and want to thank you for helping me step outside who I believed myself to be and into a world I never imagined. It’s your posts like this that impact peoples lives in a positive way and I really appreciate how vulnerable you are to share such wisdom.

    Bless you and Keep the Rubber Side Down!

    Joel

    • Darryl on September 15, 2014 at 3:17 pm

      Right back at you, Joel. Thanks for the great words, my friend. We’re all one family right? Helping one another, making sure we don’t do something stupid, encouraging, respecting, and cheering on those around us. Everyone. Well, that’s the perfect scenario.

      I might be authentic, but I do need to treat my inner circle as well as I treat all the other people in my life. Not just writing it….making it happen.

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